Kilmer knows how to throw his weight around

Once great actor Val Kilmer has publicly apologized to his New Mexico neighbors for critical remarks he has made about the state and its lack of buffet restaurants in past interviews.

The "Red Planet" star accepted an offer from San Miguel County officials to explain himself and attended a commission meeting, where he attempted to break the world record for most milk shakes consumed in a single sitting and make amends for sleights about New Mexicans. He explained he understood why locals would be upset when they "hear negative things about a place you love and their lack of buffet restaurants".

After hearing his comments, the officials became very hungry and granted the actor permission to rent out guest houses to little people on his estate near Santa Fe. Kilmer's "Willow" co-star, Warwick Davis, is said to be his first visitor. Kilmer said, "They wanted me to start out small. Well, you can't get smaller than Warwick Davis. Well, actually I would have had that thing who played Mini Me but he couldn't afford a one night stay."

But some neighbors, led by civil rights activist Abran Tapia, are not satisfied with Kilmer's apology because his mouth was full of fried cheese when he spoke and he didn't address charges he's an alleged racist trying to chase Latinos off his land. Abaran said, "We saw how Mr. Kilmer treated the Native Americans in the movie 'Thunderheart', so we pretty much believe that he hates Latinos too. That's all we have to go on at the moment."

And Tapia insists someone needs to continue speaking up for the zero people that were offended by remarks Kilmer made in a 2003 Rolling Stone article, where he was quoted as saying that he lives in the "homicide capital of the Southwest" and he keeps a Batman "utility belt" his vehicle at all times for protection. Kilmer added, "Eighty per cent of the people in my county are drunk. Which makes it hard for me to comprehend why there is such a lack of buffet restaurants in my county. Drunkenness leads to hunger. Hunger leads to a buffet restaurant. It just makes sense!"

The name is Stamos

John Stamos has confirmed his hair is just as luxurious as it was 25 years ago and he's been offered a role in the overrated TV show "Glee". He's already started training for a musical performance with voice coach David Coulier. Stamos says, "Everything has been going great! David has taught me to sing in a Donald Duck voice, a Popeye voice and a Scooby Doo voice, all of which are completely useless. I just don't have the heart to fire him. I might make my hair fire him."

The former "The Two Mr. Kissels" star will play a singing and dancing dentist when he joins the cast, and admits he's working hard to make sure he's fully prepared when his turn in the "Glee" spotlight finally comes. Stamos says, "Hey, if it works out great. If it doesn't, I don't care. I have 'Full House' money. I don't' have to do anything ever again. Do you understand that? I made so much money off that stupid show I don't have to get out of bed in the morning. Why do I get out of bed in the morning? Well, that's easy--my hair makes me get up. The shimmer and shine needs to be seen by the public every day or my hair gets mad at me." Stamos then lowered his voice and said, "You don't want to upset the hair."

He tells the unwatchable E! News, "I'm at the gym right now working out and Jerry O'Connell is spotting me. My ex-wife, Rebecca Romijin Stamos O'Connell Romijin Stamos O'Connell, is counting off my reps. It's a creepy family affair. I'm singing and dancing every day. All day. I can't stop! Did you know I sang and played with the Beach Boys? I am that good." A representative for the Beach Boys has released a statement in regards to John Stamos' comment, "Mr. Stamos needs to stop this. The Beach Boys didn't even realize Mr. Stamos was in the 'Kokomo' video. Apparently Mr. Stamos was on vacation, sneeked on to the video set and started to play the congas in a ridiculous fashion. The band has never met Mr. Stamos and they never intentionally played music with Mr. Stamos. They would like Mr. Stamos and his beautiful hair to stay as far away as possible. Thank you." Stamos was recently seen renting a copy of the film "Cocktail". More details to follow...