Washed up movie tough-guy and Jeff Speakman wannabe, Jean-Claude Van Damme is planning to step back into the ring for a new reality TV show. This is not the first time Van Damme has ventured into reality TV. His previous efforts were, "Van and Van", a show that followed Van Damme as a roadie/groupie on Van Morrison's North American tour, and "Van Damme: A Head Bump Above the Rest", a show that co-starred his forehead bump. Just like the bump, no one ever knew what the show was about.
The "Cyborg" star, 49, turned his back on all his future children and fighting when he broke into movies in the 1980s. Early in his career Van Damme moved to L.A and roomed with Don "The Dragon" Wilson. That is where the famous "do the splits then groin punch" was invented. Van Damme said, "Those days were great. We were just two bachelors, who happen to be martial art experts, living together in a studio apartment drinking beer, working on our abs and figuring out new ways to crush groins. If we only had a camera on us." Van Damme continued, "Wait! That gives me an idea. I'll be right back!"
In Van Damme's new reality show he's agreed to a bout with Thai kick boxer Somluck Kamsing - and camera crews will be following his every alimony payment and move leading up to the event.
Van Damme says, "It's kind of dangerous, but life is short." Van Damme then proceeded to do the splits and punch his assistant in the groin. Van Damme continued to say, "That's what life is all about.......can I borrow some money?"
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
9021..Uh O!!!!!
In a shocking and horrible announcement, unbearable actor Rob Estes is following in his 90210 co-star Jennie Garth's footsteps by announcing he's finally attending acting classes with her and he's quitting the show.
The stiff actor, who plays Lori Loughlin's onscreen husband in the Beverly Hills, 90210 spin-off, says he can not play Lori Loughlin's husband anymore. Estes says, "How can I play the role of Lori Laoughlin's husband when that was perfected well over 15 years ago by a little actor named John Stamos! I do not possess the talent nor the hair volume as Mr. Stamos, therefore I am not returning to the show next season! Now I would appreciate if you would leave me and my god damn family alone during this trying time."
On Estes' twitter page he wrote, "Im standn line at the suprmarkt....exprss lane my ass!" He continued to tweet, "chk out Stamos in the tv movie How to Marry a Billionaire: A X-Mas Tale! He rocks!"
A representative for the fake TV network CW insists Estes' departure will be horribly explained in an upcoming convoluted storyline: "He's an actor of sorts and we couldn't have asked for anyone better, except for John Stamos. But if fans tune in, they'll understand why Rob's character is leaving. Or they won't. Either way, I don't care."
The horrifying announcement comes just days after his co-star Garth decided to quit watching old 90210 episodes on VHS tapes labeled "back in the day" to spend time with her three daughters that will most likely grow up and go to the same high school where she pretended to go to while acting in the show 90210. Man...life is just crazy.
The stiff actor, who plays Lori Loughlin's onscreen husband in the Beverly Hills, 90210 spin-off, says he can not play Lori Loughlin's husband anymore. Estes says, "How can I play the role of Lori Laoughlin's husband when that was perfected well over 15 years ago by a little actor named John Stamos! I do not possess the talent nor the hair volume as Mr. Stamos, therefore I am not returning to the show next season! Now I would appreciate if you would leave me and my god damn family alone during this trying time."
On Estes' twitter page he wrote, "Im standn line at the suprmarkt....exprss lane my ass!" He continued to tweet, "chk out Stamos in the tv movie How to Marry a Billionaire: A X-Mas Tale! He rocks!"
A representative for the fake TV network CW insists Estes' departure will be horribly explained in an upcoming convoluted storyline: "He's an actor of sorts and we couldn't have asked for anyone better, except for John Stamos. But if fans tune in, they'll understand why Rob's character is leaving. Or they won't. Either way, I don't care."
The horrifying announcement comes just days after his co-star Garth decided to quit watching old 90210 episodes on VHS tapes labeled "back in the day" to spend time with her three daughters that will most likely grow up and go to the same high school where she pretended to go to while acting in the show 90210. Man...life is just crazy.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Jack and the Butter Stalk
One note actor Jack McBrayer dreads the day Alec Baldwin leaves 30 Rock - because he's convinced the hit show will not only fail without him but the decline in quality at the craft services table will be dreadful too. McBrayer says, "Misssster Baldwin demandssss only the bessst food at all timesss."
Fans have speculated that Baldwin has actually eaten Kim Basinger, due to her lack public appearances, and won't renew his contract for the series when his option comes up in 2012 - but his co-star is praying he carries on in the role. McBrayer says, "Lissssten, I can only play one type of roll. If thissss show endsss I will have to beg Tina Fey to get me more jobsss. I'm really bi-curious to see what happens."
McBrayer continues to say, "If he leaves, I don't think Missster Baldwin will find another great juiccccy role like Jack Donaghy. He also won't be able to find another great buttery role like we have at our craft services table." Tina Fey commented on this story with a smug smirk.
Fans have speculated that Baldwin has actually eaten Kim Basinger, due to her lack public appearances, and won't renew his contract for the series when his option comes up in 2012 - but his co-star is praying he carries on in the role. McBrayer says, "Lissssten, I can only play one type of roll. If thissss show endsss I will have to beg Tina Fey to get me more jobsss. I'm really bi-curious to see what happens."
McBrayer continues to say, "If he leaves, I don't think Missster Baldwin will find another great juiccccy role like Jack Donaghy. He also won't be able to find another great buttery role like we have at our craft services table." Tina Fey commented on this story with a smug smirk.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Strokes of Genius
Gary Coleman has been released from a Los Angeles hospital after suffering from a lack of publicity and a slight seizure, according to the actor's travel agent. Coleman could not land an entertainment agent.
On Wednesday, the "Diff'rent Strokes" star was taken to the Failed Child Actors Clinic along with Michael Oliver who played Junior in the "Problem Child" movies. At 8:03 am local time after running lines from their cleverly written un-produced screenplay, "Different Child and Problem Strokes", Coleman went home to the Extended Stay Inn, where he lives. It was there he started to faint and vomit.
According to his travel agent, Robert Malcolm, Coleman was released on Wednesday night with a possible lay over in Sacramento.
Coleman, 41, has since returned to his day job as an impersonator of famed character actor Gary Cole. Coleman says, "The names are so close clients don't even catch it while we're on the phone. When I show up to the gig it's too late for them to cancel because I have a no refund policy. I can make a $1,000! Well, that's if I can bum a ride off someone. Pretty good huh?".
Coleman's travel agent, Robert Malcolm, has insisted the medical emergency was not life threatening and that Apple Vacations is running a great deal on weekend getaways to Cabo San Lucas.
On Wednesday, the "Diff'rent Strokes" star was taken to the Failed Child Actors Clinic along with Michael Oliver who played Junior in the "Problem Child" movies. At 8:03 am local time after running lines from their cleverly written un-produced screenplay, "Different Child and Problem Strokes", Coleman went home to the Extended Stay Inn, where he lives. It was there he started to faint and vomit.
According to his travel agent, Robert Malcolm, Coleman was released on Wednesday night with a possible lay over in Sacramento.
Coleman, 41, has since returned to his day job as an impersonator of famed character actor Gary Cole. Coleman says, "The names are so close clients don't even catch it while we're on the phone. When I show up to the gig it's too late for them to cancel because I have a no refund policy. I can make a $1,000! Well, that's if I can bum a ride off someone. Pretty good huh?".
Coleman's travel agent, Robert Malcolm, has insisted the medical emergency was not life threatening and that Apple Vacations is running a great deal on weekend getaways to Cabo San Lucas.
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