Un-funnyman Paul Reiser has launched a new line of toupees which will serve as a fill in for those nasty empty hairless spots on his head. He is calling it a "Hair Reiser". He has also launched an already ill-fated music career by teaming up with British singer Julia Fordham for a new album.
The "Odd Jobs" and "Mr. Write" star is in the studio with "Happy Ever After" singer Fordham and the B52s' Fred Schneider and they'll release their first album in 2010, which is just about the time the public will be able to wrap their head around the whole idea of Paul Reiser being a singer. Helen Hunt's forehead had no comment.
Fordham tells Super True News, "Along with being a "poor man's Woody Allen", Paul is also a classically trained pianist and studied composing and arranging at college." Fred Schneider said, "Heyyyyyyyyy!".
Meanwhile, Julia Fordham is launching an already ill-fated acting career with appearances on pal Tracey Ullman's upcoming unwatchable sketch show "State of The Union". Besides producing another horribly unfunny show, Tracey Ullman still wants people to know that "The Simpsons" got its start on her 80s sketch show, 'The Tracey Ullman Show". She is quoted saying, "For all the painfully unfunny hours of TV I have given you, please remember that."
Fordham adds, "Tracey is a....well the only hard part of being in a scene with her is to try and remember that the scene is supposed to be funny but you know full well that it is not. I just stand there while she jumps around in her cheap make up doing bad impersonations. Sometimes I have to keep my jaw from dropping to the floor as I marvel at her vapid uninspired routines." Helen Hunt's forehead had no comment. It was too busy eating a turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving from Super True News!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
That Robin Williams is such a cut up!
Robin Williams has reportedly found his old coke straw and love with the woman who nursed him back to health after the opening of "World's Greatest Dad" and his open heart surgery earlier this year.
The out of date one note comedian, 58, split from his second wife, Marsha, in 2008 after 19 years of marriage and counseling.
He underwent an operation to remove "Jack" from his filmography and to replace his aortic valve and missing hair follicles in March, but his health scare has proved to be good for his love life because it brought him closer to graphic designer Susan Schneider, according to the washed up National Enquirer.
The couple allegedly met shortly before Williams did his changeless unaltered routine live tour for tons of money and just before he was admitted to hospital. It was the 45 year old's caring nature which won the extremely lonely actor over. She has impeccable timing.
A source tells the tabloid, "Robin truly believes it's no coincidence that Susan came into his life right before his heart operation. He told a pal, 'She saved me - she helped me heal. She has helped me deposit my huge paychecks. Isn't she a saint?"
TV shows Dateline, 20/20 and 48 hours are patiently waiting by when this turns into another classic "who done it?" episode. Was it the ex-wives? Was it his old coke dealer? Was it Exidor? Or was it the middle aged woman who came out of no where to start a relationship with Williams when he was lonely, depressed and ill?
I think it will be Exidor.
The out of date one note comedian, 58, split from his second wife, Marsha, in 2008 after 19 years of marriage and counseling.
He underwent an operation to remove "Jack" from his filmography and to replace his aortic valve and missing hair follicles in March, but his health scare has proved to be good for his love life because it brought him closer to graphic designer Susan Schneider, according to the washed up National Enquirer.
The couple allegedly met shortly before Williams did his changeless unaltered routine live tour for tons of money and just before he was admitted to hospital. It was the 45 year old's caring nature which won the extremely lonely actor over. She has impeccable timing.
A source tells the tabloid, "Robin truly believes it's no coincidence that Susan came into his life right before his heart operation. He told a pal, 'She saved me - she helped me heal. She has helped me deposit my huge paychecks. Isn't she a saint?"
TV shows Dateline, 20/20 and 48 hours are patiently waiting by when this turns into another classic "who done it?" episode. Was it the ex-wives? Was it his old coke dealer? Was it Exidor? Or was it the middle aged woman who came out of no where to start a relationship with Williams when he was lonely, depressed and ill?
I think it will be Exidor.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Heather Loclear is off the hook!
Fossil, Heather Locklear, has finally brushed off Richie Sambora's hair dye and rumors she's set to star in a planned big screen revival of 1980s TV cop drama T.J. Hooker, insisting young producers haven't even seen the show but have heard of it through camp fire stories and old post cards, so they haven't approached her about starring in a remake.
The series, produced by TV mogul Aaron Spelling's freakishly large eyes, premiered in 1982 with Locklear starring opposite William Shatner's 1980s wig - and now it's set for a modern makeover as original creator Rick Husky oversees its transition as producer. This modern makeover will include Shatner wearing a Faux Hawk wig and Heather Locklear being played by Blake Lively whose stand-in will be David Spade.
But Locklear admits she's old and not reprising her role, explaining, "They haven't asked me. I don't think they've asked me. Where am I?... They haven't asked Adrian Zmed, who left the highly successful T.J. Hooker for food stamps, so I'm sure he's in."
She continued to say, "I'm sure William Shatner is willing to do it. I can't see why not... Really, I can't see. I recently got Botox injected into my corneas in hopes to see the world as I did when I was young and hot. Either way, maybe I'll see the film when it comes out on VHS or Laser Disc."
Heather Locklear then proceeded to walk in circles until she passed out.
The series, produced by TV mogul Aaron Spelling's freakishly large eyes, premiered in 1982 with Locklear starring opposite William Shatner's 1980s wig - and now it's set for a modern makeover as original creator Rick Husky oversees its transition as producer. This modern makeover will include Shatner wearing a Faux Hawk wig and Heather Locklear being played by Blake Lively whose stand-in will be David Spade.
But Locklear admits she's old and not reprising her role, explaining, "They haven't asked me. I don't think they've asked me. Where am I?... They haven't asked Adrian Zmed, who left the highly successful T.J. Hooker for food stamps, so I'm sure he's in."
She continued to say, "I'm sure William Shatner is willing to do it. I can't see why not... Really, I can't see. I recently got Botox injected into my corneas in hopes to see the world as I did when I was young and hot. Either way, maybe I'll see the film when it comes out on VHS or Laser Disc."
Heather Locklear then proceeded to walk in circles until she passed out.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tara bites into the internet
The obsolete Tara Reid has brushed off crabs and rumours she is engaged to her internet entrepreneur boyfriend, which means he runs a cheap gambling site, after she was spotted sporting a large pink cold sore and diamond on her ring finger.
The horrendous actress met lonely German businessman Michael Axtmann earlier this year after she was released from a spell in rehab to treat her alcohol addiction. Relationship experts all agree that if you have a ton of money and are looking for a good time, just stand outside a drug rehab center in California. Dr. Neil Clark Warren of eHarmony fame was quoted saying, "I recommend it! It's like taking candy from a very washed up despondent baby."
The pair has been dating ever since, and sent gossip mongers into D-List overdrive when Reid was pictured wearing a massive pink sparkler on her left hand earlier this week. She then took the juvenile firework off her hand and replaced it with a ring.
But Reid insists they have no plans to wed in the near future, confessing the big jewel was just a generous birthday gift on loan from her lover. She will most definitely have to return it once the whole "Smokey cigarette voice and I was in a hit movie 10 years ago" thing wears off.
She tells People.com because Popsugar.com didn't even care, "I got a beautiful ring from my boyfriend for my birthday last weekend. But we're not engaged... yet!" She continued to say, "My boyfriend loves everything about me. He especially loves my stomach! He says it reminds him of a topographic map of Germany."
Reid was previously engaged to TV host Carson Daly before he started a diet that caused his eyes to become bigger than his head and proceed to scare away all 11 of his viewers.
The horrendous actress met lonely German businessman Michael Axtmann earlier this year after she was released from a spell in rehab to treat her alcohol addiction. Relationship experts all agree that if you have a ton of money and are looking for a good time, just stand outside a drug rehab center in California. Dr. Neil Clark Warren of eHarmony fame was quoted saying, "I recommend it! It's like taking candy from a very washed up despondent baby."
The pair has been dating ever since, and sent gossip mongers into D-List overdrive when Reid was pictured wearing a massive pink sparkler on her left hand earlier this week. She then took the juvenile firework off her hand and replaced it with a ring.
But Reid insists they have no plans to wed in the near future, confessing the big jewel was just a generous birthday gift on loan from her lover. She will most definitely have to return it once the whole "Smokey cigarette voice and I was in a hit movie 10 years ago" thing wears off.
She tells People.com because Popsugar.com didn't even care, "I got a beautiful ring from my boyfriend for my birthday last weekend. But we're not engaged... yet!" She continued to say, "My boyfriend loves everything about me. He especially loves my stomach! He says it reminds him of a topographic map of Germany."
Reid was previously engaged to TV host Carson Daly before he started a diet that caused his eyes to become bigger than his head and proceed to scare away all 11 of his viewers.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I know John McEnroe, and sir you are no John McEnroe
Aging tennis player who looks like he is from the future, Andre Agassi, has opened up about his failed marriage to actress/model/emotion wreck/pharmaceutical magnet Brooke Shields a decade after their divorce - insisting the pair should never have wed. He says, "I can't believe 'Suddenly Susan' lasted longer than our marriage! I mean I know people laughed at our marriage but who laughed at that show!"
Agassi confesses they were a terrible match which ended Love-Love, but the love is not lost. Although he blames himself for the ill-fated union - which ended in divorce in 1999 - he says Shields was equally to blame, which ended this love 'mis'-match in a big old deuce. A hot steaming deuce. Agassi continues to claim he clung to Shields in a desperate bid to find happiness and his wig during an emotional meltdown.
He explains, "I was a viciously balding 27 year old, ranked 141 in the world and in a marriage that I shouldn't be in... I didn't want to be playing tennis either so my life was filled with things I didn't want such as the Canon Rebel Camera. Part of it was an inability to find a place for all these cameras or for anything really. I was never paid to be the spokesperson for the Canon Rebel Camera. They just gave me free cameras! Sure they came in handy when chronicling my rapidly balding head so I can show my doctor my hair loss progress but other than that those cameras just took up space."
Agassi continued to say, "Why they picked me to be the 'rebel' spokesperson for their camera is beyond me. I mean I was wearing a wig! Is that being a rebel? I guess it might be. I mean my wig was made up of dead baby seal fur...so I guess that's kind of rebellious. Right?"
Agassi married fellow tennis champion and man look a like Steffi Graf in October 2001. They share an eight-year-old son, Jaden Gil, and a six-year-old daughter, Jaz Elle. They named their kids those names in hopes that they might become strippers and they don't have to go through the hassle of having a 'stage name'.
The revelations in Agassi's new memoir "Open", in which he also admits to taking crystal methamphetamine and deliberately throwing lit matches at tennis matches in hopes to see the irony.
Agassi confesses they were a terrible match which ended Love-Love, but the love is not lost. Although he blames himself for the ill-fated union - which ended in divorce in 1999 - he says Shields was equally to blame, which ended this love 'mis'-match in a big old deuce. A hot steaming deuce. Agassi continues to claim he clung to Shields in a desperate bid to find happiness and his wig during an emotional meltdown.
He explains, "I was a viciously balding 27 year old, ranked 141 in the world and in a marriage that I shouldn't be in... I didn't want to be playing tennis either so my life was filled with things I didn't want such as the Canon Rebel Camera. Part of it was an inability to find a place for all these cameras or for anything really. I was never paid to be the spokesperson for the Canon Rebel Camera. They just gave me free cameras! Sure they came in handy when chronicling my rapidly balding head so I can show my doctor my hair loss progress but other than that those cameras just took up space."
Agassi continued to say, "Why they picked me to be the 'rebel' spokesperson for their camera is beyond me. I mean I was wearing a wig! Is that being a rebel? I guess it might be. I mean my wig was made up of dead baby seal fur...so I guess that's kind of rebellious. Right?"
Agassi married fellow tennis champion and man look a like Steffi Graf in October 2001. They share an eight-year-old son, Jaden Gil, and a six-year-old daughter, Jaz Elle. They named their kids those names in hopes that they might become strippers and they don't have to go through the hassle of having a 'stage name'.
The revelations in Agassi's new memoir "Open", in which he also admits to taking crystal methamphetamine and deliberately throwing lit matches at tennis matches in hopes to see the irony.
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