Friday, November 13, 2009

Heather Loclear is off the hook!

Fossil, Heather Locklear, has finally brushed off Richie Sambora's hair dye and rumors she's set to star in a planned big screen revival of 1980s TV cop drama T.J. Hooker, insisting young producers haven't even seen the show but have heard of it through camp fire stories and old post cards, so they haven't approached her about starring in a remake.

The series, produced by TV mogul Aaron Spelling's freakishly large eyes, premiered in 1982 with Locklear starring opposite William Shatner's 1980s wig - and now it's set for a modern makeover as original creator Rick Husky oversees its transition as producer. This modern makeover will include Shatner wearing a Faux Hawk wig and Heather Locklear being played by Blake Lively whose stand-in will be David Spade.

But Locklear admits she's old and not reprising her role, explaining, "They haven't asked me. I don't think they've asked me. Where am I?... They haven't asked Adrian Zmed, who left the highly successful T.J. Hooker for food stamps, so I'm sure he's in."

She continued to say, "I'm sure William Shatner is willing to do it. I can't see why not... Really, I can't see. I recently got Botox injected into my corneas in hopes to see the world as I did when I was young and hot. Either way, maybe I'll see the film when it comes out on VHS or Laser Disc."

Heather Locklear then proceeded to walk in circles until she passed out.

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