A Christian group with nothing else to do has come to save the world and to the aid of bankrupt actor Stephen Baldwin - a website has been set up to allow fans to donate objects made out of money but not actually money itself. Baldwin says, "A chair made out of nickels and dimes? What the hell am I supposed to do with this?".
The born-again Christian filed for bankruptcy last year after he racked up more than $2.3 million worth of debt, stemming from several mortgages, tax bills, credit card accounts and the monstrous cost of rebuilding and replicating the set from "Bio-Dome" in his backyard. Baldwin had to shut down the rebuilding of the "Bio-Dome" set and had to send the the construction crew home. Pauly Shore is now currently looking for work.
Now a new website, Restorestephenbaldwin.org, was originally called Helpthegoofiestlookingbaldwin.org but was changed because William Baldwin's fan club website already had the name. The site was set up with permission from Daniel Southern who is the President of Baldwin's ministries and also happens to be his agent, dry cleaner, dog walker and hair stylist.
A statement from the website states, "He has been publicly ridiculed and insulted by people who think that he is a bad actor, which is quite frankly true, and that he has been abandoned by God. A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Stephen, but mock God. That simple search can also produce pictures of Stephen with God at a baseball game and a craft show." The site continues to say, "Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin play Barney Rubble again in a new Flintstones movie."
In a last ditch attempt to avoid bankruptcy, Stephen Baldwin asked his brother, Alec, to eat up his debt. Alec said, "If you put gravy on it, I'll give it a go."
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Kids in the Gyllenhaal
Overrated hambone Jake Gyllenhaal re-evaluated his blessed life following the icebox cover-up relationship with Kirsten Dunst and the death of fellow pretender in front of a camera, Heath Ledger - because the star realized he had become too focused on his abs and his career.
The lifeless actor was devastated when he found out the only reason he got acting jobs was because of his show business parents and when his "Brokeback Mountain" co-star died from an accidental drug overdose in January 2008.
The loss prompted Gyllenhaal to address his own mind bending issues - and he credits Ledger's passing with giving him the courage to make real changes. Gyllenhaal says, "Thank god that dude died. If he didn't die then I would would have continued to churn out vapid performances in movies that make no money. Well, I've actually continued to do that but if it wasn't for that guy dropping dead then I would have never thought about changing at some point down the road in the very far off future. I am so happy that guy died."
He tells the dormant GQ magazine, "Life, I didn't totally understand. And I think I was afraid of life. And I had success in my work, enough success that you could keep going back there.
But after that guy I did a movie with who stopped breathing... I think I recognized that it was work. And I recognized that this is for real." The editors at GQ magazine still don't know what Gyllenhaal was talking about. They replayed this quote over and over again to decipher the brainless words that exited his mouth. The quote was then sent to the Guinness Book of World Records for examination. After months of examination were complete, The Guinness Book of World Records has now officially labeled Gyllenhaal's quote as "The Stupidest Thing Ever Said".
The lifeless actor was devastated when he found out the only reason he got acting jobs was because of his show business parents and when his "Brokeback Mountain" co-star died from an accidental drug overdose in January 2008.
The loss prompted Gyllenhaal to address his own mind bending issues - and he credits Ledger's passing with giving him the courage to make real changes. Gyllenhaal says, "Thank god that dude died. If he didn't die then I would would have continued to churn out vapid performances in movies that make no money. Well, I've actually continued to do that but if it wasn't for that guy dropping dead then I would have never thought about changing at some point down the road in the very far off future. I am so happy that guy died."
He tells the dormant GQ magazine, "Life, I didn't totally understand. And I think I was afraid of life. And I had success in my work, enough success that you could keep going back there.
But after that guy I did a movie with who stopped breathing... I think I recognized that it was work. And I recognized that this is for real." The editors at GQ magazine still don't know what Gyllenhaal was talking about. They replayed this quote over and over again to decipher the brainless words that exited his mouth. The quote was then sent to the Guinness Book of World Records for examination. After months of examination were complete, The Guinness Book of World Records has now officially labeled Gyllenhaal's quote as "The Stupidest Thing Ever Said".
Friday, March 26, 2010
Kirstie can only fit in a Alley
Xenu worshipping actress Kirstie Alley refuses to go under the knife to preserve her looks; instead she has opted to be cryogentically frozen in butter when she dies because she is convinced her wrinkles will help her land more movie roles and rolls.
The former "Madhouse" star, 59, insists she is content with her fleshy features and would never consider eating less than 22 meals a day and undergoing plastic surgery, especially as more and more actresses turn to the surgeon's knife to stay young in the industry. Kirstie says, "The only thing I will let a surgeon cut for me is my Wendy's Triple Stack."
She says, "I'm not a surgery girl, I'm a hungry girl and I haven't had plastic surgery but I have eaten plastic that required surgery to remove from my stomach. I don't wanna have plastic surgery but it's hard when you see your peers and things and they have. I go back-fat and forth and think, 'Who's gonna play grandmothers in movies?' Well that's easy, people like Shirley McClaine or Helen Mirren can. The real question is, 'Who's gonna play really fat grandmothers in movies?' You gotta be 100 to be a grandmother in a movie but you gotta be 350 pounds to be a fat grandmother! So maybe it just gives our group (actresses without surgery and huge amounts of blubber) more longevity to be filming." Kirstie is now working on a sequel to her 1984 film "Runaway". The film is tentatively called "Rollaway".
The former "Madhouse" star, 59, insists she is content with her fleshy features and would never consider eating less than 22 meals a day and undergoing plastic surgery, especially as more and more actresses turn to the surgeon's knife to stay young in the industry. Kirstie says, "The only thing I will let a surgeon cut for me is my Wendy's Triple Stack."
She says, "I'm not a surgery girl, I'm a hungry girl and I haven't had plastic surgery but I have eaten plastic that required surgery to remove from my stomach. I don't wanna have plastic surgery but it's hard when you see your peers and things and they have. I go back-fat and forth and think, 'Who's gonna play grandmothers in movies?' Well that's easy, people like Shirley McClaine or Helen Mirren can. The real question is, 'Who's gonna play really fat grandmothers in movies?' You gotta be 100 to be a grandmother in a movie but you gotta be 350 pounds to be a fat grandmother! So maybe it just gives our group (actresses without surgery and huge amounts of blubber) more longevity to be filming." Kirstie is now working on a sequel to her 1984 film "Runaway". The film is tentatively called "Rollaway".
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I Grant Thee...Naughty
British, or should I say "brutish",actor Hugh Grant ended a glitzy glamours party in fancy London with a delightfully dainty food fight after allegedly becoming embroiled in a delicate fragile fuss with his former PR manager.
The tender star was attending an all night tea party at the exclusive nightspot Annabel's on Wednesday night when his former representative, PR guru Matthew Freud, overheard the one note actor allegedly making a disparaging comment about his cuff links and how they were "so last year" and that "the color combination on the cuff links is just a bloody no-no."
Freud reportedly retaliated by tossing a delightful chocolate cup cake at Grant, smearing the sweet treat all over the star's white Gucci shirt, according to unheard of Britain's Evening Standard newspaper. Freud did aimed for the shirt intentionally because he knows Grant hates dry cleaning white shirts on the weekend. Freud was over heard saying, "Hugh thinks doing laundry is gross. That will teach him!"
Grant then feebly tossed a drink like a little girl in his former associate's direction, but missed. Grant was quoted saying, "Matthew was lucky that drink missed him. I was using my strong arm. How's my hair look?"
Freud is said to have left the party in a big huff with his arms crossed sporting a big frown, while Grant was given a clean shirt to change into by venue staff and carried on with the festivities, partying with stars including Garrett Morris, Alf and Pauly Shore.
The tender star was attending an all night tea party at the exclusive nightspot Annabel's on Wednesday night when his former representative, PR guru Matthew Freud, overheard the one note actor allegedly making a disparaging comment about his cuff links and how they were "so last year" and that "the color combination on the cuff links is just a bloody no-no."
Freud reportedly retaliated by tossing a delightful chocolate cup cake at Grant, smearing the sweet treat all over the star's white Gucci shirt, according to unheard of Britain's Evening Standard newspaper. Freud did aimed for the shirt intentionally because he knows Grant hates dry cleaning white shirts on the weekend. Freud was over heard saying, "Hugh thinks doing laundry is gross. That will teach him!"
Grant then feebly tossed a drink like a little girl in his former associate's direction, but missed. Grant was quoted saying, "Matthew was lucky that drink missed him. I was using my strong arm. How's my hair look?"
Freud is said to have left the party in a big huff with his arms crossed sporting a big frown, while Grant was given a clean shirt to change into by venue staff and carried on with the festivities, partying with stars including Garrett Morris, Alf and Pauly Shore.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Great in the Cu-sack
In world stopping news-the pretentious John Cusack is said to be using the Sherwin Williams Color Visualizer to perfect the best black paint to dye his hair transplants and to be dating Bruce Willis' former fiancee, "Baywatch" non-star Brooke Burns. This is a slap on the bald head to Bruce Willis, say friends of the faded movie star. "Not only is John Cusak dating his old fiancee but he is dyeing fake hair that Bruce wish he had."
The "Hot Pursuit" actor has been romancing the 31-year-old beauty since the beginning of the year, reports the completely useless Life & Style magazine. The magazine poses the question, "Why would John Cusack have to 'romance' Brooke Burns?" I mean Peter O'Toole could land this chick just by buying her a Happy Meal from McDonalds.
A groundless source tells the publication, “They’ve been going out seriously for more than a month; they're way past second base. She’s super sweet and definitely has a type - she dates older men with a ton of money and have major hair issues.”
The 43-year-old actor has never smiled in public or wed, while Burns was previously married to "Nip/Tuck" star Julian McMahon and his waxed eyebrows, the father of her nine-year-old daughter. After their 2001 divorce, she set her sights on old men looking for a good time. She was then engaged to Willis, but the pair called off the engagement in 2004.
John Cusack released a rare statement about the relationship. He said, "This relationship won't last past 2012. Not only will the world end but so will this relationship." It has been reported that Cusack's agent has tried time and time again to explain to the actor that "2012" was a movie he acted in and not real life.
The "Hot Pursuit" actor has been romancing the 31-year-old beauty since the beginning of the year, reports the completely useless Life & Style magazine. The magazine poses the question, "Why would John Cusack have to 'romance' Brooke Burns?" I mean Peter O'Toole could land this chick just by buying her a Happy Meal from McDonalds.
A groundless source tells the publication, “They’ve been going out seriously for more than a month; they're way past second base. She’s super sweet and definitely has a type - she dates older men with a ton of money and have major hair issues.”
The 43-year-old actor has never smiled in public or wed, while Burns was previously married to "Nip/Tuck" star Julian McMahon and his waxed eyebrows, the father of her nine-year-old daughter. After their 2001 divorce, she set her sights on old men looking for a good time. She was then engaged to Willis, but the pair called off the engagement in 2004.
John Cusack released a rare statement about the relationship. He said, "This relationship won't last past 2012. Not only will the world end but so will this relationship." It has been reported that Cusack's agent has tried time and time again to explain to the actor that "2012" was a movie he acted in and not real life.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A Ford Recall
Old man Harrison Ford loathes everybody and everything, including his celebrity status - because Hollywood has cost him his "privacy". Ford says, "Privacy is everything to a man that willingly puts his face on forty foot screens for the general public to watch and has made hundreds of millions of dollars from doing such a thing. Why can't people, dogs, birds, fish, the sun and air just leave me alone!" Ford then continued to throw random punches in the air at nothing.
The 67 year old going on 300 years old has enjoyed a career spanning more than 40 years, and starred in blockbusters including "Regarding Henry", "Hollywood Homicide" and "Firewall".
But Ford, who is engaged to Calista Flockhart, hates being unable to escape the attention of the press and fans asking why on earth he would be with Calista Flockhart. Ford explains, "Listen, opposites attract. I like to eat and she doesn't. I am old and she is....not as old. And finally, I like to drink. A lot. So, I hope that clears up why I am with this woman!"
He continues to mumble, "There's nothing good about being famous. You always think, 'If I'm successful, then I'll have opportunities like being with beautiful women. I mean look what I have had and who I am with. It doesn't work. You also never figure the cost of fame will be a total loss of privacy. That's incalculable. Such as my 20% of the gross from 'K19-The Widowmaker'."
Ford continues to ramble, "Fame was unanticipated and I've never enjoyed it. You can get the table you want in a restaurant, where I will eat and Calista will watch. It gets you doctor's appointments to fill in my missing hair. But what's that worth? Nothing. Well, except the hundreds of millions of dollars I have made. But what's that really worth? Well, I guess it's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Just forget it, OK!"
However, Ford admits there are some benefits to finding fame in the movie industry: "I'm in it for the money and the booze. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. This is my job. Where am I again?" Ford then stumbled away from the interview yelling, "I was a carpenter! Just a simple carpenter! I am Jesus Christ!"
The 67 year old going on 300 years old has enjoyed a career spanning more than 40 years, and starred in blockbusters including "Regarding Henry", "Hollywood Homicide" and "Firewall".
But Ford, who is engaged to Calista Flockhart, hates being unable to escape the attention of the press and fans asking why on earth he would be with Calista Flockhart. Ford explains, "Listen, opposites attract. I like to eat and she doesn't. I am old and she is....not as old. And finally, I like to drink. A lot. So, I hope that clears up why I am with this woman!"
He continues to mumble, "There's nothing good about being famous. You always think, 'If I'm successful, then I'll have opportunities like being with beautiful women. I mean look what I have had and who I am with. It doesn't work. You also never figure the cost of fame will be a total loss of privacy. That's incalculable. Such as my 20% of the gross from 'K19-The Widowmaker'."
Ford continues to ramble, "Fame was unanticipated and I've never enjoyed it. You can get the table you want in a restaurant, where I will eat and Calista will watch. It gets you doctor's appointments to fill in my missing hair. But what's that worth? Nothing. Well, except the hundreds of millions of dollars I have made. But what's that really worth? Well, I guess it's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Just forget it, OK!"
However, Ford admits there are some benefits to finding fame in the movie industry: "I'm in it for the money and the booze. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. This is my job. Where am I again?" Ford then stumbled away from the interview yelling, "I was a carpenter! Just a simple carpenter! I am Jesus Christ!"
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Nielsen Ratings
Brigitte Nielsen boasts an D-list career and A-list fan base. R&Battered beauty Rihanna has hailed the Danish actress as a style icon and someone she would hire to put the beat down on Chris Brown.
The model-turned-never a movie star was stunned at the recent People's Choice Awards in Los Angeles because they actually let her in and when the "Umbrella" hitmaker ran up to her and began showering her in compliments.
Nielsen is delighted to have influenced the young stars of today. She says, "When I was filming 'Red Sonia', producer Dino DeLaurentiis' daughter would visit the set with her huge head, stubby sausage fingers, cock nose and horribly annoying toothy smile. I told her to forget about your looks because you will always be unattractive and annoying. Instead, rely on the money from your movie producer father then marry a rich man with no personality and everything will work out. She now has a show on the Food Network and has a house on the beach. I'm just glad I could help."
She tells unheard of Dansk magazine, "At the People’s Choice Awards, Rihanna came up to me and said: ‘Brigitte, can I just be you for one day?’
"I’m like, start off bleaching that hair, girl! Then sleep with the following people in order- action star Arnold Schwarzenegger, action star Sylvester Stallone, action director Tony Scott, Football star Mark Gastineau and then Orland Bloom's cousin, Sebastian Copeland. Rihanna then asked if that was it. I said no, then sleep with a failed Rap star, anyone of your choosing, and then you can be me for day." Brigitte continued to say, "I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished. Which is absolutely nothing."
The model-turned-never a movie star was stunned at the recent People's Choice Awards in Los Angeles because they actually let her in and when the "Umbrella" hitmaker ran up to her and began showering her in compliments.
Nielsen is delighted to have influenced the young stars of today. She says, "When I was filming 'Red Sonia', producer Dino DeLaurentiis' daughter would visit the set with her huge head, stubby sausage fingers, cock nose and horribly annoying toothy smile. I told her to forget about your looks because you will always be unattractive and annoying. Instead, rely on the money from your movie producer father then marry a rich man with no personality and everything will work out. She now has a show on the Food Network and has a house on the beach. I'm just glad I could help."
She tells unheard of Dansk magazine, "At the People’s Choice Awards, Rihanna came up to me and said: ‘Brigitte, can I just be you for one day?’
"I’m like, start off bleaching that hair, girl! Then sleep with the following people in order- action star Arnold Schwarzenegger, action star Sylvester Stallone, action director Tony Scott, Football star Mark Gastineau and then Orland Bloom's cousin, Sebastian Copeland. Rihanna then asked if that was it. I said no, then sleep with a failed Rap star, anyone of your choosing, and then you can be me for day." Brigitte continued to say, "I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished. Which is absolutely nothing."
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