Winfrey says, "What's the deal Holmes?"

The unknown Oprah Winfrey has been left off the invite list to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' post-Scientology wedding party - just weeks after the couple failed a normalcy test and to ask her to their extremely pompous Italian marriage. Cruise and Winfrey have been crazy and friends for many years and the "Cocktail" star made his infamous couch-jumping "I'm in love" speech regarding Holmes on the media mogul's mindless housewife TV talk show last year. Not only was Oprah shocked by the jumping but scared that if Cruise fell from the couch it would be deadly. This is only because the diminutive star had to be crane lifted on to the couch to begin with. Winfrey was noticeably left off the list to the November 18 ceremony in Bracciano, Italy - even though completely irrelevant celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony and Jim Carrey - who are not known to be friends of Cruise or even potential Sea Orgs - were invited. Oddly enough Stedman Graham was present at the Xenu ceremony and was seen eating most of the little crab cakes. He was later spotted brushing the crab cake crumbs from his mustache into a napkin and putting it in his pocket. Sources say that he feels his gravy train with Oprah might come to an end and he will need whatever food he can get to survive. On Saturday the newlyweds have invited friends who were unable to attend the ridiculous Castello Odescalchi ceremony to a party at Cruise's producing partner Paula Wagner's Beverly Hills, California haunted mansion. However, Winfrey's representative tells the New York Daily News the TV titan hasn't been invited. Fellow L. Ron Hubbard-ite, John Travolta, held a press conference to address the situation but oddly enough had no comment. Fresh from a new set of hair transplants, Travolta stood with a baseball cap on and cried. He continued to cry for the next 27 minutes, at which point Oprah entered the room and told Travolta to stop it. She said, "How many times do you have to cry? We have enough footage of you crying on my show to last until your wife Kelly Preston becomes an actual movie star. Which means never, FACE!"