Glamour of the Living Dead

Dynasty corpse Joan Collins is fronting a new TV special as part of her personal mission to revive her beating heart and style in Britain.

The extremely old make up concealed actress is appalled with the current state of fashion in the U.K. and is hosting a one-off show called, Joan The Unliving Dead Does Glamour, in which she helps three living women learn to dress stylishly.

She tells Britain's horrible Hello! magazine, "Some of the women's brains in Britain look great, and some of them look frightful. I wouldn't be caught un-dead eating their brains to stay alive. There are also so many fashion crimes. I think people have become sloppy. And it's not just down to money. I mean monetary units weren't even invented until I was 23 years old and I looked great. Some of the worst-dressed women I know buy dresses that cost £3,000 and they look horrible."

But Collins doesn't blame her 5 husbands or makeover victims for their fashion crimes and tasty brains, insisting it's the designers who are pushing unacceptable "grungy" looks.

She adds, "Number one is the designers. Number two is my sister Jackie Collins. I mean she is just as bad of a writer as I am an actress. Come on people! Most clothes that I saw during London's Fashion Week are emperor's new clothes. And, I thought... unwearable! Then I thought...I want to eat some brains to stay alive! I used to go to Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus in Hollywood when I had acting jobs and there was a fantastic selection of clothes. But there isn't any more because I am old and unimportant. Magazines are pushing this grungy look of not caring. Women have become lost. Which I am slightly grateful for because I then can trap them and eat their brains to stay alive. They also don't know what to wear and don't want to spend too much money!"

Collins' programme airs in the U.K. on October 13 and is canceled soon after that .