Indiana Jones and The Social Security Check

The much anti-climatic fourth Indiana Jones installment will be filmed this year to coincide with Harrison Ford's record breaking 100th birthday, sub par writer/producer/billionaire George Lucas confirms. The filmmaker promises the sequel will be the most exciting chapter to date after finalizing the script with director Steven Spielberg via personal assistants. The script will be enhanced by many of the brilliant motifs that are in all Lucas and Spielberg productions. Story lines such as: Indiana Jones will befriend a small Egyptian boy that will remind him of his once faded youth, the Holocaust will be brought up somewhere in the movie, the movie's storyline will be a rehash of some medieval storyline, and finally Indiana Jones will stumble upon a town inhabited by hairy dwarfs that sell cute little dolls of themselves and make Indiana a billionaire. He says, "It's going to be fantastic. It's going to be the best one yet." George Lucas concluded his press conference, that was held on top of a hill at his Skywalker Ranch, by strapping on a jet pack. The jet pack didn't work so Lucas ran down the hill and into the pasture only to be picked up by a golf cart that was in the shape of Lucas's beard. From a megaphone he added the film will be a "character piece" and see Harrison Ford reprise his role as the titular hero. Ford played Indiana Jones in 1981's Raiders Of The Lost Ark, 1984's Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom and 1989's Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which also featured Sean Connery. To this day, Sean Connery didn't know that he was in that movie. The always happy and smiling Harrison Ford, who has absolutely refused to be in a decent movie in the past 15 years that could actually make money for producers besides himself, delivered a statement via helicopter. The statement read, "I don't care." In other news, Calista Flockhart is raving about the new diet she has created. The diet consists of eating one $1000 bill from Harrison Ford's fortune seven times a day. Calista says, "If you want to have your shoulder blades bigger than your breasts, than this diet is for you."