Clothes Protect Me From The Elements---of Hollywood

Chemistry---Chemistry between two people or a mass audience is a special thing. It's like catching lighting in a bottle and when that happens we never want to let it go. Chemistry between two actors, not just actors but great actors, is a remarkable thing and we can only thank
God that we have the ability to capture that on film so we can keep and preserve it for eternity. Following in the foot steps in the likes of Hepurn and Tracy and Bogie and Bacall, Ryan Reynolds and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley have teamed up to front U.K. retail giant Marks & Spencer's latest fashion range.

The classic movie stars bring a touch of vapid Hollywood glamor to the shoot, with the "Transformers" beauty cuddling up to Reynolds' abs in one shot, and showing off her non-curves in a sexy fuchsia dress in another snap. When asked about the shot Reynolds said, "It's a funny thing. I mean I don't even work out. I don't know how I get my abs so super tight! I guess I just have good genes. Speaking of good jeans check out Marks & Spencer's totally massive jean collection. Man, I crush those jeans!"

Huntington-Whiteley mumbles, "I feel proud to be associated with a British high street favorite that holds fond memories for so many people. Memories such as putting on and taking off clothes or washing clothes. Clothes help you keep warm when it's cold outside...."

And Canadian-born Reynolds is also a fan of the brand, adding, "Going into an M&S store with my family or friends always gives me a beautiful pang of nostalgia. I always loved trying on their clothes because I would walk out of the fitting room with no shirt on to show off my natural ab core. My family and friends would get weirded out but whatevs. Also, clothes help you keep warm when it's cold outside...."

Are you on Myspacey?

Kevin Spacey has threatened to produce a sequel to “Pay it Forward” and legal action against an American musician, that no one on this planet knows of, who decided to name an album after the Hollywood actor.

The “K-Pax” star's lawyers sent an autographed picture of Mr. Spacey tap dancing without a shirt on along with a cease and desist order to Jason Drake, who records under the name Cassettes Won't Listen, demanding he change the title of his new record, “Kevinspacey”. The letter also demands Mr. Drake to describe in great detail in the off chance he were caught in a rain storm with no umbrella and only wearing shorts how would he look if he had to perform multiple push ups to avoid hypothermia.

The scented letter, which was received late last month, claimed Spacey's name carries a trademark for bad music as the actor has recorded several ear bleeding songs throughout his career, including a track for 2004 film “Beyond the Sea” which no one saw. A portion of the letter reads as follows:

“So hey Jason, how are you? I dunno… I’m just sitting here on my sofa watching “Absolutely Fabulous”. I just loved that show when it was on, did you? I’m just so bored. Ughhh! I think I might go roller blading to the beach later and take in some sun. I burn easily though, do you? I always have to put a lot of lotion on my chest but it’s too hard to get my back. Do you like the beach?.......”

It wasn’t toward the very end of the letter that he asked Jason Drake to not name his album “Kevinspacey” and then Mr. Spacey went into defense mode about “Beyond the Sea”:

“I’m a song and dance man by trade and this film NEEDED to be made. I’m currently ramping up production on other bio pics of important artists such as Wayne Newton, Engelbert Humperdinck, Kenny Rodgers, Pat Boone and Phil Collins.”

Drake has now re-titled the record “Evinspacey”, and is currently questioning everything about himself.

Everything.

Don't You Forget About Me....Seriously, don't. Please.

Molly Ringwald has become the latest Hollywood star to take up running to stay fit and noticed. The ever increasing cost for actors to pay publicist to be constantly seen in the public eye has caused many extinguished stars to do their own publicity. Recent supporters of this form of "do it yourself or no one will ever remember you again" publicity include: Judd Nelson, the guy who played Styles in "Teen Wolf" and Steve Kemetko.

The "Townies" star, 42, admits she never imagined she'd become one of those forgotten celebrities lacing up running shoes - and she's surprised she has the stamina for it.
She tells the unread Bust magazine, "I couldn't get Duckie (Jon Cryer) to return my calls to ask him to set me up with his publicist, so I took up running this past year. It's great! I put a sign on my back with my head shot and phone number and the rest is easy street. I'm also at an advantage because I have red hair and red hair is more of an eye catcher than brown or blond. So I've got that going for me."

Heads up!

Fading star Ben Affleck was forced to pull out of a poker tournament earlier this week because he was suffering from an agonizing migraine due to the size of his massive head. Doctors have reported that Affleck's head is 3 1/2 inches larger than the average size cranium. Doctors continue to report that even though Affleck's head is freakishly larger than the average person's head, in no way does that make him smarter or even the least bit capable of producing a clear coherent thought.

Famous Oscar winning screenwriter William Goldman says, "You should have seen the original script that was given to me for 'Good Will Hunting'. The script consisted of a bunch of cocktail napkins folded together with a binder clip. I could make out a few words such as Boston and apples, the rest was illegible. Oh, there was also a stick figure drawing on napkin three that had a giant head, which I assumed was Ben, and it was farting on a frog. I assumed the frog was Matt but at that point it just didn't matter. The studio paid me a ton of money to write an Oscar winning screenplay and not put my name on it and that's exactly what I did. Thank you."

The "Paycheck" star was due to compete at the World Series of Poker 'Ante Up for Africa' event but he had to scrap his entry after learning his head can't stop growing. Affleck has said to be seen renting the movie 'Mask', reports the useless New York Post gossip column PageSix.

Affleck also tells the horrible publication, "This is the one poker event I go to each year, and I didn't even get to play. My wife (Jennifer Gardner) flew in just to see it and boy are her ears tired! I'm just kidding but she does have Dumbo ears."

He wasn't the only box office poison celebrity taking part in the event - "American Pie" actress Shannon Elizabeth came second in the tournament right behind an unused deck of cards.

Kilmer knows how to throw his weight around

Once great actor Val Kilmer has publicly apologized to his New Mexico neighbors for critical remarks he has made about the state and its lack of buffet restaurants in past interviews.

The "Red Planet" star accepted an offer from San Miguel County officials to explain himself and attended a commission meeting, where he attempted to break the world record for most milk shakes consumed in a single sitting and make amends for sleights about New Mexicans. He explained he understood why locals would be upset when they "hear negative things about a place you love and their lack of buffet restaurants".

After hearing his comments, the officials became very hungry and granted the actor permission to rent out guest houses to little people on his estate near Santa Fe. Kilmer's "Willow" co-star, Warwick Davis, is said to be his first visitor. Kilmer said, "They wanted me to start out small. Well, you can't get smaller than Warwick Davis. Well, actually I would have had that thing who played Mini Me but he couldn't afford a one night stay."

But some neighbors, led by civil rights activist Abran Tapia, are not satisfied with Kilmer's apology because his mouth was full of fried cheese when he spoke and he didn't address charges he's an alleged racist trying to chase Latinos off his land. Abaran said, "We saw how Mr. Kilmer treated the Native Americans in the movie 'Thunderheart', so we pretty much believe that he hates Latinos too. That's all we have to go on at the moment."

And Tapia insists someone needs to continue speaking up for the zero people that were offended by remarks Kilmer made in a 2003 Rolling Stone article, where he was quoted as saying that he lives in the "homicide capital of the Southwest" and he keeps a Batman "utility belt" his vehicle at all times for protection. Kilmer added, "Eighty per cent of the people in my county are drunk. Which makes it hard for me to comprehend why there is such a lack of buffet restaurants in my county. Drunkenness leads to hunger. Hunger leads to a buffet restaurant. It just makes sense!"

The name is Stamos

John Stamos has confirmed his hair is just as luxurious as it was 25 years ago and he's been offered a role in the overrated TV show "Glee". He's already started training for a musical performance with voice coach David Coulier. Stamos says, "Everything has been going great! David has taught me to sing in a Donald Duck voice, a Popeye voice and a Scooby Doo voice, all of which are completely useless. I just don't have the heart to fire him. I might make my hair fire him."

The former "The Two Mr. Kissels" star will play a singing and dancing dentist when he joins the cast, and admits he's working hard to make sure he's fully prepared when his turn in the "Glee" spotlight finally comes. Stamos says, "Hey, if it works out great. If it doesn't, I don't care. I have 'Full House' money. I don't' have to do anything ever again. Do you understand that? I made so much money off that stupid show I don't have to get out of bed in the morning. Why do I get out of bed in the morning? Well, that's easy--my hair makes me get up. The shimmer and shine needs to be seen by the public every day or my hair gets mad at me." Stamos then lowered his voice and said, "You don't want to upset the hair."

He tells the unwatchable E! News, "I'm at the gym right now working out and Jerry O'Connell is spotting me. My ex-wife, Rebecca Romijin Stamos O'Connell Romijin Stamos O'Connell, is counting off my reps. It's a creepy family affair. I'm singing and dancing every day. All day. I can't stop! Did you know I sang and played with the Beach Boys? I am that good." A representative for the Beach Boys has released a statement in regards to John Stamos' comment, "Mr. Stamos needs to stop this. The Beach Boys didn't even realize Mr. Stamos was in the 'Kokomo' video. Apparently Mr. Stamos was on vacation, sneeked on to the video set and started to play the congas in a ridiculous fashion. The band has never met Mr. Stamos and they never intentionally played music with Mr. Stamos. They would like Mr. Stamos and his beautiful hair to stay as far away as possible. Thank you." Stamos was recently seen renting a copy of the film "Cocktail". More details to follow...

The Penn is mightier than...Mother Nature?

Sean Penn is calling on Mother Nature for more natural disasters. In a continuous effort, the hideous Penn wants to take his fictitious big screen personas and put them in real life situations on the small screen. Penn said, "I know the truth behind Mother Nature and I won't rest until she's exposed. We all know she's a right wing bible thumping racist and she's in bed with all the lobbyists." Penn is also demanding better medical supplies at hospitals in Haiti to help the earthquake-ravaged nation cope with the upcoming hurricane season next month.

The "Shanghai Surprise" star has been instrumental in annoying more people off screen than entertaining them on screen. He wants to ensure that many of the devastated nation's people receive aid and his formula hair dye following the tremor which killed hundreds of thousands of citizens in January.

Penn missed the unveiling of his new movie "Fair Game", a remake of the brilliant film starring William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford, at the Cannes Film Festival in France on Thursday to testify at a U.S. Senate committee about the problems in the country.

During the meeting on Wednesday, Penn smoked cigarettes and insisted health care in Haiti needs "immediate attention" and that "Fair Game with William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford was a damn good movie and the story needed to be told again". Penn then continued to be mad for no reason what so ever and then said that several hospitals have been closed down - and he fears the nation will be overrun with emergencies once hurricane season begins and he won't be able to fight the hurricanes himself. He then pleaded with congress to pass the Anti-Mother Nature Bill, which he created, so we can expose the hidden agenda of "Ms. Mother Nature".

He adds, "In many cases, the bureaucracy of international aid is protecting people to death. I come here today as a highly paid movie actor that pretends in front of a camera in the hope that we will address with bold clarity the razor's edge upon which Haiti lies." Penn continued to say, "I also think I might want to remake the classic Bill Murray film 'The Razor's Edge'....It just needs to be told again."